Expect Nothing and you will Get Everything

This is something I keep saying, yet have not managed. The first time I came up with this saying was back in 2000 after expecting everything to be similar in England but finding it all changed.

I was optimistic about my relationships back then, still am in some ways, but when faced with life there are times when it's better to stick to reality and not to dream too much.

It was the summer of 2000, I was a uni-student to be. I was returning to England to see my secondary school friends whom I hadn't seen or contacted for over 3 years. I truly missed them throughout my high school years; remenscing on days when we used to go clubbing, hang out, chat over sweet nothings. But when I returned 3 years later, everything was not as I expected. Nicola was pregnent again with a second child, my wannabe writer friends were still struggling waitresses, who know nothing of saving money, but only of spending. I still felt so much towards them, but disappointment overwhelmed me. They were still loving and caring, but their center had shifted towards a life of struggling to survive economically, whereas I was moving towards a life of struggling to pass grades.

That was my first lesson. I told myself to expect no more.

I suceeded that year, on my trip to Harbin. Originally I imagined the trip as being magnificent, but I restrained myself, in fear of disappointment. The reality, however, was the trip being a week filled with fun, laughter and love; meeting some wonderful people during that trip. These people remain my inspiring friends to this day, and I feel very proud.

Unfortunately life, as a cycle, repeats itself and I am back at square one. Expecting, but not getting...It's a hard struggle to want something so much, but not get. It hurts me but at the same time it teachs me that expecting is normal, however it is better to learn the skills of management. It's like being a shepard dog trying to persuade the sheeps to go home, first you have to understand the essence of the sheep; their desires, their tendencies, and then voila you can skillfully manage them, or more crudely put, manipulate them.

I hope I can learn how to manipulate my desires and expectations. I know that my expectations will harm other people in the future. If not in the near future then in the far future, because as a child there is always the pressure of expectations from parents. Though I cannot promise not to have any expectations in the future, but what I hope to acheive is to have expectations sans disappointment, when unfulfilled.